Time

Herroh poop! I feel inclined to at least dedicate this first paragraph to you cuz you actually read this shit.

It's practically three days to As. Here I am typing away into my phone my stream of illogical consciousness. While eating corn.

Nearly ten full months have gone by this year and its been one of the most... Important years of my life. I mean, every year is important but I feel that I may have learned slightly more this year than I did the last.

Time isn't the most forgiving of teachers, nor most direct. Time doesn't erase the mistakes you made when you were younger. But it forces you to learn, by how it forces you to keep ploughing on and making you look back and analyse past mistakes when you trip again. And again.

Why this thought? I have for the most part of the year, been attached. As this relationship is currently on its hiatus, I have taken the time to reflect on what it has taught me.

I hope I have learned how not to worry. It doesn't take all of my concern to show someone I care, nor my endless fretting. Of course, I'm still working on it. Just an hour ago I lost my shit. But I'm getting better. I suppose I still care as much, but time has mellowed most of the emotional intensity. Distance too, has softened the edge.

I do apologise if it seems like I did learn this last year. I guess I need to actively pink elephant my worry. (Bam uncertainty woo). But yes, still learning when to care and to what degree.

I have also learned patience. I hope I have. I have stared at my phone, wishing for a quick response way too often in the past. I think my perpetual stare isn't as bad as it used to be. I've learned to shut up as a result, and listen.

Perhaps I haven't fully learned these (for sure duh). But hey, reminder to myself that patience is key, and worry is one of those things you get that kills you for free. I forced it to rhyme.

So yeah. Nothing too insightful or artsy or emotional this post. Just a filler about two lessons this year has had for me. There's probably a lot more (there is) but now's not the TIME OH SNAP U C WAT I DID DERE HURR DURR FULL SIKLE

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Farewells?

Its been like forever since I've written something for this blog. As usual, I'm doing this as I type out this post.

The name of this post should be telling enough for what the content is about. After leaving PJC a year early, I never really thought of the difference had I left it with the others. I'm almost certain I'd be a lot less happy, a lot more hungover sadness, a lot more angst-y, and even more clueless for life and As than I am now. But all of that aside, I guess I do long to be part of..

Something? Considering how it was never the class/school that achieved anything, but rather the work of a select few, perhaps my being there would have led to the same regret and possibly a lack of any sort of recognition or satisfaction.

Still, I am human enough to declare that I do wish I had a farewell, that I had a prom I could attend, a homeroom to go to, and even the small shitty tests you go through on a semi regular basis.

Aaaaand maybe I wouldn't be as broke :D


Transparent

Like a glass pane, I am set in my place
A berth given by others to not touch
Lest I fall and shatter, oh, such disgrace
Befall on you, should you budge me too much.

Past me lies a sordid truth, hidden by
A thousand other windows yet in stones
Refracting the light, to and from the sky
With edges rough, unrefined colour tones.

Seen through, keeping out all, while you keep warm
Protected from even the heaviest storm
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